I have slacked on updating this.. I know! I have been busy enjoying life though so you can't really blame me.
So I recently went on an "adventure" I guess you could call it, and I have been trying this whole online dating thing. I say "adventure" because it has been interesting to say the least. I went on one date with a guy from it. He was super nice, I have absolutely nothing bad to say about him. He was a total gentleman, and makes a mean deer steak! I just don't thing the "dating connection" was there between us. Who knows. I also went on a lunch date with another guy. Everything went well, I thought. Of course you can't force someone to talk back.
What I have noticed mostly is no one talks to each other. Glad I could help boost your little ego there bro. Get off the dating thingy if you really aren't going to put an effort out there and at least respond back. HA! Who am I kidding, this is dating of 2017. I am screwed basically! (not the good kind either)
Besides the obvious things (which is sad) with the hookup culture we live in now, you get to see some interesting things. It is actually pretty disheartening and reminds me why I don't like to date in the first place, of the many reasons. The amount of cheating men and swingers is enough to make me think twice to even try. I have no judgement, if that is how you want to live your life have at it. It doesn't affect me either way. Just not my cup of tea really.
I feel like my main issue I have noticed with this whole thing could possibly be a Utah thing? Maybe it isn't though since I obviously have never dated outside of Utah. The trend I have noticed is that men don't seem to like a girl who is busy a lot, or not always available right on the spot. I work almost 9 hours days Monday to Friday. Sometimes I work longer hours even. Then after I go to the gym typically for another 2 hours. I also travel a lot with my work too. We go to different trades hows and do training's.
Apparently because of my regular schedule, and the fact I won't just skip the gym for some dude makes me a "stuck up" "workaholic" "waste of time". Yes I have been called each of those things among the many other things. Not necessarily all at once, but you get the idea.
My favorite conversation with one gentleman I had we will call him J. We have been trying to find a day to meet up, possibly go hiking but our schedules just haven't matched up. He then asked me, "Do you have a hard time with relationships with your schedule?" Well, J, what relationships? I have been single going on past 2 years now. I do basically what I want. However, yes I do work a lot.
My response back was, "I honestly haven't really been dating much till recently. But right now yeah it has basically been impossible because I guess most guys aren't use to someone being so focused n their job? At least that is how I feel about it. I feel like a lot of women just don't have a drive to be successful and work their asses off.." Given we have talked about our jobs before and I explained to him all of this before.
J responds, "I think there are plenty who are driven. I've met them and dated them. When they get to their 30's they are extremely lonely and regretful."
Me, "What is that supposed to mean???"
J, "It means they sacrificed marriage and having a family and wish they hadn't."
First of J, I am 27 years old. I finished my schooling, have a career I LOVE, and live with minimal debt because I have been working so hard for so long. I won't regret a single thing I have done with my life because my life is GREAT! I have had to watch many of my friends grow up, have their families, get married, get divorced at my age, and they regret it because they still have so many things they wanted to do, but now have to wait because they started their families so early. Just because I have chosen to wait on all of that, does not by any means mean that by the time I am 30 in 2 1/2 years that I will regret my choices. I work hard so my future family will be able to live a beautiful life together. I work hard so I can also experience everything life has to offer to me. Just because the typical Utah girl had 4 kids by the time she is my age does not mean that is what I wanted for myself right now.
My response
"I have no regrets about how I live really. Do I want that? Yes. But I am not in a rush because I am happy with life. I'm living my dream and doing the things I want. I'm only 27 and I'm building my life now so my future family can live a wonderful life. I have friends who are my age and have already been divorced once or twice because they rushed getting married and having families. I don't want that. I want to do things right and meet the right person. I have no problem waiting."
J, "Would you say you're the relationship type?"
me, "Yes I am. Just not with you."
Maybe I took things wrong.. who knows. To me I felt as if he was not okay with the fact that I like to work. I do not feel as if he would be the type to support me and my dreams completely because, apparently according to J, by now I was supposed to have settled down and have a family. Sorry, no. That is not the life I have chosen for myself. I will work hard for the things I want, and I am willing to sacrifice some things in order to live the life I want. THAT IS OKAY!!!! There is nothing wrong with waiting!! I want to travel still and go see things. I want to go to Alaska and hunt and fish, and see Europe, and travel to New Zealand and hunt there too. I want to do so many different things, and not have to worry about my children at home. I have goals and ambitions I would like to accomplish before I start my family, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. By the time I do start my family I can look back and say, I accomplished so many things. Then I can look at my babies and say, now I get to accomplish so much more with you. That is the life I want to live. So yes, I will wait until it is right.
Needless to say, I am no longer doing the whole online dating thing now! :)
Love this!!! I got married at 22 and divorced at 28 (luckily I never had kids). During my marriage, I thought everything was good, was normal. All of my friends were getting married and having kids. A few people from high school went off to college, but most stayed in state, went to college with their high-school sweetheart then married them and had kids. I didn't realize what I was missing out on. Then I got divorced. Then I had to date (that's really hard after being married and away from dating for so long). I didn't want kids. Finding someone my age without kids wasn't easy. And if they had kids, that was a deal breaker because I absolutely didn't want kids - my own or theirs. I ended up meeting John - a 35 year old, kidless guy that had never been married. He moved from Florida to Washington, to Florida to Idaho, back to Florida, then finally to Kentucky. Once I met him, I realized everything I had missed out on. I never had regrets...until then. Almost 9 years later, we are still together (not married, no kids). We travel, go on adventures, explore, and have fun. We live our life. We are lucky to have found each other - 2 people with common interests and goals. We are debt free and just up and moved across the country.
ReplyDeleteI say - good for you. Don't settle. Do your thing. There are people out there that have the same interests and goals as you. And if you don't find them, oh well. You are a strong independent woman that knows what she wants.
Stay strong!!!