I came across this article.. struck my fancy with the title "Please be patient with me, I promise you I am worth it" 👊💓 PREACH girl because YOU ARE WORTH IT. I started reading it and felt like she was speaking to my soul right now in my point in life. I just wanted to expand on it a little because, I am NO GOOD at talking about my feelings. I am so much better at writing them out. Writing about my feelings is a secondary way for me to be able to express and release my emotions, comes just after after weight lifting! I am going to take bits and pieces of the article so if you want to read the whole thing, I have linked it at the bottom. So here goes nothing.....

"I know I am a handful 87% of the time. You might rethink being with me often and what it is about me that makes you feel like it’ll all be worth it. With my constant worrying and freaking out, I don’t blame you."

- I am a handful at least 100% of the time HA! That is why you have two hands though

"But believe me when I say that I’m worth it. I’m worth all the shit I put you through. I’m worth loving and investing all your time and energy in.

Know that I trust you, even though I’ve built walls that sometimes feel like no matter how hard you try, aren’t coming down. There has been so much in my past that I feel like creeps up during my happiest moments and haunts me. So it's inevitable that every time I feel comfortable, I start worrying or creating faulty scenarios in my mind."

Please just be patient with me."

-PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING are huge because my anxiety driven over thinking brain gets complicated. I worry about stupid things and over think little scenarios I shouldn't, but as much as I try I can not help it. Typically on most days I can talk myself through this process and move on. Other days it's like there is a drum in my head repeatedly telling myself all the bad things that have happened in my past relationships are going to occur again. Which isn't fair to anyone. It's a vicious cycle that I really am trying my best to correct. So when I am at my worst PLEASE understand I am trying. I just need a little time.

"Promise me that you won’t get frustrated or annoyed. Understand that all of my worries come from loving and caring for you so much. All I truly want is for us to work out and be happy.

I know I'm not always  the easiest person to love. I know my heart can be hard to understand.

There are tons of things that are constantly weighing on my mind. Like what I did wrong in past relationships, the types of guys I was with, the words they said to me, and so much more. I've always struggled with talking about my feelings and expressing them in all the right ways. I've been hurt so much in my past and have had countless people walk out, including the people who I trusted and loved the most.

I’m not used to feeling good enough. I’m used to feeling insecure, used, replaceable, and worthless. And I have a ton of people to thank for that."

- You will get frustrated and annoyed. It's just bound to happen and that's okay, but I only ask you don't just give up on me. As long as we keep trying though is the key. We are a team and we have to work together. I promise you I will give it my all if you do too. However, the minute you decide not to give your everything anymore.. Don't be shocked when I pull back too. I have been in that position where I gave EVERYTHING to make something work, and it almost destroyed me. 

"You put up with me even though I can be the most complicated person in the world. You make me feel beautiful, important, smart, and most importantly, loved. I promise you, one day it will all make sense and all of the effort and time you put it in will all be worth it.

So please just be patient..."

             -I am not the most simple girl out there. I have lived my life and it has brought me to where I am. The good and the bad, just like you. We both bring so many things to the table. It is just a matter now of fitting the pieces and how much you want something. It has been easy for me to just not date and open myself up to people. That is the safe way to play this game, but it's not what I want ultimately. I want to find that person who will NEVER give up on me. My best friend I can go do stupid things with and enjoy everything life has to offer. I needed this time though to learn to love myself again, and believe me I think I am pretty rad!
 I know what I bring to the table and I refuse to ever settle again for something that doesn't deserve me. Just please... I am asking you...if you have caught my eye, don't play the games. I don't have time for it. Nor can my heart really handle it. Give me the time and attention I deserve. If you aren't willing to give me that, or would rather split that attention between me and 10 other chicks... move along. This is why I could never be on the Bachelor! As entertaining as that might be... it's not how I want to start a relationship. Be all in, or get out. 
Please if you do decide to leave, don't come back. My past relationships have all done that and quite frankly it hurts. Why did it have to take my absence for you to pull your head out of your ass? Realize what you have in front of you or lose it forever. Because I promise you, I don't NEED you. I choose you to be a part of my life. I want you to be happy. No matter what the choice is. I will do my very best every single day to make you happy, it's just who I am. Yes, I know. Relationships aren't all sunshine and rainbows, but that doesn't mean I won't try like hell. Please be patient with me and don't give up on me.

 I PROMISE YOU I AM WORTH IT!

http://www.puckermob.com/moblog/please-be-patient-with-me-i-promise-im-worth-it

Update with a rant

I guess you could say I am still in that “slump” where I feel..or after looking as this progress picture I should be saying felt.... like I am not making any progress. I am sticking to my meal plans, working out like I should be, and pushing myself every day to get better and better. Not only physically but mentally. I have always been so hard on myself and how I view my body, but I am still working on it. I am the most confident now than I ever have been my whole life. Not just because I feel like I look good, but because I FEEL good!
 I was asked the other day how I stay motivated through this 10 week challenge, and as I was thinking about it dawned on me that a huge portion of it was that my goals are bigger than my wants at this point in life. The positive influences I have kept in my life are also a huge factor. This goes beyond close friends and family. I am talking about the people even on social media that I follow. I noticed I went through every now and then and removed the people who were “fake” to me. You know what I mean by this if you have an Instagram account too.. the girls who promote their Skinny Tea, only taking their booty pics to show their “booty gains”

                    –YES I just rolled my eyes there-

or the girls who have their boobs hanging half way out of their shirts while they workout. Sorry not sorry but that is FAKE and unrealistic to me. I don’t want that in my life giving myself those unrealistic expectations. I crave the real people who you know work their asses off day in and day out to better themselves for themselves. 

This was one goal I set for myself among the many, was that I needed to space myself from all the negative energy around my life. It hasn’t been easy because a lot of that negativity was the people I surrounded myself with or the people trying to come into my life. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying these people are bad people, so if you are a friend of mine and I don’t talk to you nearly as much or we don’t hang out as much DO NOT FREAK OUT! I have been busy and have been focusing on my life and my goals. You should already know that by now. If you don’t understand that… as the old saying goes… “If the shoe fits, feel free to lace that bitch up!”

This whole process has amazed me on the quality of people in the world, and how they will react or treat you once you are no longer benefiting to them. I have people who get irritated when I don’t text them back or am not able to drop what I am doing to accommodate them in some way. I guess in today’s world it is hard for most people to understand the world of a woman like me who works 9 to sometimes 14 hour days. Then commits her time after work to the gym for 1-2 hours almost every day. I won’t apologize to you for my schedule and how I choose to run my life haha. I won’t even apologize to you for forgetting to text or call you back or being too busy to come out with you because AGAIN… I choose this life style and this is what is making me happy and getting me where I want to be in life. If you do not understand that, sucks to suck my friend! It very well could be you are that negative energy I am spacing myself from because I do not need someone who doesn’t support my goals and dreams.

The last couple weeks I have surrounded myself by some of the most amazing people I know! Just through ReelCamo Girl alone I have met some amazing girls with the same goals and passions I have. So to end this rant I have gone on now… My suggestion to you, if you want to succeed in life you need to surround yourself by positive influences and people who are going to have your back, will push you, and keep you focused on the end goal. Also if you are trying to lose weight, CONSISTENCY IS KEY! Take pictures weekly in the same lighting and take body fat measurements. DON’T ONLY GO OFF OF WEIGHT! I know that is so hard to do, but weight is not a consistent measurement. Better yet, go see a professional. Someone licensed and trained- especially these two- because they will guide you down the right path to a better you.

To my friends who might be struggling, please let me know! I am more than happy to try and help motivate you or push you to be better. Just remember, you are only as good as your excuses let you be. We all have the same 24 hours in a day and you are the only one who gets to decide how those hours are spent.

DON’T GIVE UP YOUR DAY DREAM! 

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